Gamblers Anonymous

GAM-ANON Resentment
Author : GA

One member we spoke to said he would be eternally grateful to Gam-Anon for they have given him a wife and partner with whom he can share his life on an equal basis. We believe that this is the way it should be.

Gam-Anon is a fellowship made up of those who have lived with or have been seriously affected by the gambling problem. They may be wives, husbands, parents, partners or relatives of the gambler. Within Gam-Anon they learn to live with or without the gambler who is affecting them.

For many of us, when we joined GA, it was a bonus that our husbands or wives also joined Gam-Anon. It was a sign to us that they were going to stay and give us another chance.

Let’s assume that we came with an honest desire to stop gambling and lead more productive lives. The fact that spouses, friends or family members were right behind us was an added strength to our recovery. As the weeks and months passed we began to notice changes in those who were attending Gam-Anon. No longer were they willing to accept every word we said without question. No longer were they willing to trust us with ATM cards, the checkbook or credit cards. No longer did they share our depression when we were not feeling good. No longer would they accept our abdication from responsibility.

This was a whole new ball game. We were not used to this. After all, we were the dominant partners. We called the shots, whether the issue was physical, mental, spiritual, or financial. Whether or not they or we like to admit it, while we gambled, our spouses had become extensions of us. When we cried, they cried. When we laughed, they laughed. In some cases, they had become like small children, trusting naively and with little or no control over their own lives and emotions. But now, by their attending Gam-Anon, we were faced with partners who were demanding their rights in the relationship and, more importantly, as human beings in their own right - spouses who were growing in strength and character, beginning to discover their own strengths and work on their own weaknesses. We became frustrated, angry and confused. Not only did we have to face the facts about ourselves; we had to cope with the fact that we had another adult human being living with us and worse, an adult human being who was developing a mind of his or her own.

What was causing all these changes? My spouse was never like this before, we told ourselves. We could always get our own way before on any issue. The answer was easy - it was that Gam-Anon! It was they who were changing our spouse. ‘Those darn busybodies!”

As time passed we continued living with our resentment until it became a real problem affecting our home life and our recovery. Most of us did not talk to anyone about this problem initially, continuing to build on our resentment until it turned to hate for a fellowship that was molding a human being who could stand up on his or her own and make independent decisions. What a bonus, and yet we could not see it that way.

Unfortunately this problem has taken some of our members back out the door and back to their addiction to gambling. Where they are today is anyone’s guess. As for the rest of us, we spoke about this problem in our GA meetings, to our sponsors and to Gam-Anon members and got answers that help us overcome our resentment to Gam-Anon.

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